I don't know about you, but this headline is sorely disappointing. They could have made it so much more interesting given the story.
Deputy Constable Paul Armand was making what he thought was a routine traffic stop early Tuesday morning when he pulled over a car that didn't have headlights on.
They all start that way. It’s always the ones you least expect.
Grammar Nazi note: Did they just end a sentence with a preposition? In the first paragraph, no less? For shame.
As he approached the black Mazda 626, the Precinct 8 deputy noticed the driver had blood on his face. He also saw that the front windshield was shattered and partially inside the vehicle.
Wait, you saw the car didn’t have headlights on, so obviously you saw the front of the car, and you didn’t notice the windshield was shattered? Yeah, yeah, it was dark out, but come on, they were in the city. There are streetlights everywhere.
The deputy constable then saw a body in the passenger seat, partially underneath the dashboard and with a severed leg.
Grammar Nazi note: Wouldn’t that actually be without a severed leg? I’m just saying… wouldn’t the ideal phrasing be “underneath the dashboard and missing a leg”?
I’m trying to figure this out, if the body was partially obstructed by the dashboard, how did he notice the missing leg? Was the guy upside down, leg (singular, of course) just sort of sitting there, like “hey, how ya doing? Have you seen my partner?” Or was just one side of the guy’s body under the dashboard? How awkward is that? Good thing he was dead cause that would so so uncomfortable.
"He (Armand) was shocked," said Precinct 8 Capt. Jason Finnen.
Elitist reporter note: Really? That’s the best quote you could find? Why not interview the actual cop who made this “shocking” discovery and not the Precinct 8 Captain? Or, better yet, why not use useful quotes instead of filler?
I love how they felt the need to clarify the pronoun “he” with the parenthetical inclusion. (You know you love the phrase "parenthetical inclusion" too. Deny it, I dare you!) I mean, of course the dead guy didn’t say that. I seriously doubt the drunk ass who killed the dead guy said that.
The driver, James John Onak, 45, told the deputy he didn't realize a dead body was in the passenger seat, Finnen said.
Well, really, what else is he going to say? “I knew it was there, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get home before I got pulled over for DUI.” Doh.
Yeah, see, how can you not notice the thud and the crash of someone coming through your windshield? I guess I’ve never experienced it, so maybe it is something that can happen that you wouldn’t notice. I mean, the passenger seat is sort of just in your peripheral vision.
Wait, he’s just a deputy now? I thought he was a Deputy Constable. That’s got to be like way more important. It’s a whole extra word in the title. (And I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear the word “Constable” I think Mary Poppins.)
Police allege Onak struck 32-year-old Fadel Steadman with his car on the Gulf Freeway in southeast Houston and kept on driving for three miles while the man's body lay in his passenger seat.
Let’s think about this. He had to have struck the guy with his car, otherwise he wouldn’t have been in his passenger seat. Or had a smashed up windshield. There’s really no “allege” here, there’s just did.
What about the no headlights that started this whole thing? I’m disappointed. I mean, really, you pull the guy over for one thing, but all of the sudden you see a dead body in the passenger seat and it’s a whole different story. If you’re going to charge him, charge him for everything.
Houston police, who took over the investigation, estimate that the accident occurred in the southbound lanes of the 12200 block of Gulf Freeway around 12:30 a.m. Tuesday, about 10 minutes before Armand pulled Onak over.
How much of an investigation do you need? Determine time and cause of death. Did he die on impact? Then subtract from the current date/time and boom, you have time of the accident. It’s not rocket science.
Investigators believe Steadman had pulled his Ford Explorer into the emergency lane on the left side of the freeway near Fuqua after the vehicle broke down.
Grammar Nazi note: There’s that extraneous “had” again. ARGHHHHHHH.
Witnesses told police Steadman was running back and forth across the freeway when he was struck by the Mazda.
If that’s the case, perhaps the guy did the world a favor and rid the world of one more stupid person. He doesn’t deserve jail-time for that, he deserves a medal.
The collision forced Steadman's body through the windshield, and he landed in the front passenger seat inside the car, police said.
I don’t get why we have to rehash this here. We’re moving into filler again. We’ve already determined the guy was hit, came through the windshield, and was inside the car. After all, earlier we were told he was partially under the dashboard so he had to be in the car. I know we’re supposed to write to a sixth grade level so the general masses will understand, but I don’t know that we had to go quite this far down. At least not here. We discussed the drunk guy hitting the dumbass earlier in the story. This could have gone there.
I will say, at least they used the word “collision” correctly, which is something a lot of people do not do. In order for two things to “collide,” they must both be moving (so sayeth the AP Stylebook). If this moron was, in fact, running back and forth across the freeway, then they were both in motion and therefore, it was a collision. (Who knew I’d give a reporter props!)
However, Onak did not stop driving. Police said he got off the freeway and drove a few more blocks before he was pulled over by Armand on Kirkvalley near Beamer, police said.
Of course he didn’t stop driving, he didn’t know the guy was there. If he had stopped driving this entire story wouldn’t be near as entertaining.
Of course, I don’t live in Houston so these location names mean nothing to me.
Onak told Armand he thought he had hit something while driving down the Gulf Freeway, but he was not sure, Finnen said.
Grammar Nazi note: HAD. Enough said.
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| Think this could have been his first clue? |
After discovering the body in the seat, Armand called paramedics and additional deputy constables to the scene. While searching the freeway, another deputy constable located the Mazda's licence plate as well as what appeared to be Steadman's leg, Finnen said.
Grammar Nazi note: Anyone else notice that license is spelled wrong in the sentence above? Hehehehe. Basic editing people. Even Word will tell you that’s misspelled. It doesn’t take a college degree, though, I admit, it helps.
“What appeared to be Steadman’s leg.” Well, come on, let’s be fair, you see a lot of lone shoes on the freeway, not a lot of lone legs. It’s got to be his.
You know, according to Mitch Hedberg, “A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.” Just saying…
In 2001, a Fort Worth woman, who after a night of drinking and using drugs, struck a homeless man with her car and drove home with the man crumpled in the windshield. She then left him in her garage where he died two days later. The woman, Chante Mallard, was convicted and sentenced to 50 years in prison in 2003.
What is it with these Texas people hitting people and not realizing it? This particular instance does raise a bunch of questions though. No need to list them out, you’re thinking them too. You know you are.
Onak, who is jailed in lieu of a $55,500 bail, faces two to 10 years in prison as well as up to a $10,000 fine for the felony charge.
Someone tell me how this guy is only facing up to 10 years, but the chick got 50? Doesn’t make sense. They both hit someone while under the influence, that person died, and they were morons about it.
He is scheduled to appear in court Thursday.
It’s a good thing I’m not a reporter in Houston having to cover this. Because I would have giggled my whole way through the hearing.
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