If you don't get fired for pooping in someone's yard, what will you get fired for?

No, this isn't the guy, just a random picture I found.

Mail carrier who defecated in yard gets to keep job

I’ll wait a minute while you read that again.

Okay … ready?

A mail carrier who was caught using a yard as his personal toilet will not be fired.
I don’t know about you, but that seems like an anticlimactic lead. But, it is a follow-up story. But still, it could be so much more fun.

“Postal worker poo-poos the skeptics as he gets to keep his job after being caught defecating in a yard on his route last month.”

“A mail carrier caught defecating in a yard will not be fired. When questioned, he simply replied, ‘This job is the shit.’”

“A postal worker gets to keep his job as a mail carrier, instead of getting stuck sitting on a stool at the post office, after he was caught defecating in a yard last month.”

“When you gotta go, you gotta go … and postal worker who went gets to keep his job.”

Alright … enough of that.

The incident happened last month at a home in southeast Portland and a neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera.
Honestly, knowing society and the way it is, I’m more shocked that the mail carrier didn’t accuse Don Derfler of voyeurism or invasion of privacy for this.

Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants and that's when Derfler began snapping pictures.
Grammar Nazi note: I’m going to stop with the “had” stuff because, well, apparently it’s never going to stop. I find myself saying it now. ARGH. It could have just as easily worked as “Derfler was waiting for his babysitter…”

Grammar Nazi note II: Derfler was waiting for his babysitter? Or the babysitter for his kid(s)? Might want to word that better next time.

I have to admit, whereas going to get my camera may not have been first on my list of things to do, I probably would have at least whipped out the cell phone, snapped a pic using that grainy-ass shitty (pun intended) camera and then texting Meredith to say, “Did I see what I think I just saw?”
 

Yeah, you know I couldn't resist...

"We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. "To come on to our property and to defecate - it's just wrong."We trust people like that? I don’t know about you, dude, but I don’t trust anyone. Not after my stuff was stolen from me while I was not even 20 feet away. I’m just saying. Maybe the problem here is that you’re too trusting.

Besides, perhaps the owner of the house should thank the mail carrier for the free fertilizer. You’re just jealous you didn’t get any, aren’t you?

The incident was an embarrassment to the post office and the worker was immediately placed on unpaid leave. Now, a decision has been made to keep the worker but he will be transferred to a different route.
Honestly, that’s embarrassing to the post office? Like this government agency doesn’t have enough to be embarrassed about? How about things taking three weeks to get places when it should have taken all of three days? That’s embarrassing. A guy having to go while working – hey, we all have to do that.

He probably was given a shit route (hehehe) as punishment. You know, like in the ghetto or something. If he’s a veteran, he can’t be fired which is why he’s able to keep his job.  (Okay, maybe this is a terminable offense, but I seriously doubt there’s anything in the postal service handbook. There will be now, though.)

A spokesperson said the administrative action was taken based on a postal service investigation but he did not elaborate. He also did not say which route the mail carrier has been assigned to cover.
I am sure the reason he got to keep the job is because the head of the committee that was reviewing this case really had to go, so he wanted to get it over with so he could go.