Stop. You know you’re reading that headline wondering if you read it right. What, were those cops dorkfish? Yep, we caught him following a corndog. We just said, what’s a corndog doing in the middle of the road? Boom, next thing you know, there he is.
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Blood, shattered glass and corn dogs led officers to a burglary suspect in Shawnee.
Was there a chalk outline pointing in his direction? Or a neon sign? Come on, there had to be more signs to find this guy because he was so good at hiding.
Let’s be honest here, it’s Shawnee, Okla., what else is there to do in Shawnee, Okla. but to knock off the Sonic for a midnight tot craving?
Police arrested Dakota Lasley, 18, on complaints of second-degree burglary and obstruction. He's accused of breaking into a Sonic Drive-In.
What kind of name is Dakota? That’s my friend’s giant dog’s name. Less popularly, it’s the name of a state. Two states, actually – both equally as boring as you’ve never really heard a whole lot about them before, have you? Exactly.
He’s accused of breaking into a Sonic Drive-In … have you been to a Sonic Drive-In? Number one, security isn’t exactly tight. Number two, do you know how long it takes to get anything out of there, even if it’s just a drink? He just wanted his food and figured he’d get it faster if he helped.
When officers arrived to investigate the Sonic break-in, they found a shattered glass door and a man inside the restaurant. The suspect was able to get away, but moments later, officers saw him running down the street. They followed him to a home two blocks south of the Sonic.
How big is the inside of a Sonic? How far can you go? Therefore, I must ask, how bad are the cops of Shawnee, Okla. that they couldn’t get this moron while he was still in the store. Unless they were pilfering food what standing there, looking around, “nope, well, he got away *munching sound of a tot* - guess we will get some Route 44 Cherry Limeades to keep us hydrated while we pursue the perp. Don’t forget an order of cheese sticks.”
The officers entered through an open door and found Lasley in a bedroom. He had fresh blood on his hands and fingers and shattered glass in the soles of his shoes, said officer Casey Vague.
Aw, they found him in a bedroom. Are you sure that was blood on his hands and fingers? It could have been ketchup or chili – those condiments are hardly a clean form of eating. Nothing like seeing broken glass and jumping to conclusions.
I want to know about the shoes. Hey, dude, let me take a look at that shoe. Yep, there’s glass it in. I just don’t see how this really works. If there were huge shards of glass sticking out of the shoes, he would have broken them off, or kept them to use as a weapon, to keep anyone from getting within his bubble to take his Sonic that he stole fair and square. But if it was little pieces, someone was going to have investigate to see, which would mean he would remove the shoes and who’s going to willingly do that. “Yeah, here, take a look at the bottom of my shoes to prove I did it.”
According to a police report, Lasley told officers he, "Could have blacked out from drinking and done something stupid."
This genius with the name Dakota (shouldn’t that have tipped you off?) told cops he could have blacked out from the drinking he was doing and as a result done something stupid. Ding, ding, ding, ding. I guarantee he didn’t decide to bust into the Sonic sober.
Well, let me rephrase, he could have just been pissed off and broke in sober, but surely a sober man wouldn’t leave behind a trail of hot dogs and corn dogs for the cops to use in their search to find him. If he was high, however, there wouldn’t have been any food to cause a path on the ground, he would have ate it all. Damn those midnight munchies.
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