Top Ten Reasons to Hate Valentines Day

Alright, it’s no real secret that I despise Valentine’s Day. I don’t really have a reason beyond the fact I’m not romantic, nor do I really like the traditional-sappy-romantic stuff. (Come on, for Valentine’s Day one year, I bought – and installed – a battery into Scott’s Trans Am. Romantic I am not. It was more romance in the direction of his car, which ironically enough I despise, than it was to him.) So, yeah … like there’s not enough clichés about Valentine’s Day, let’s just take it even farther and develop a top ten list, shall we?

10. Red and pink are so not my colors. Give me black any day of the week.

9a. Cause Whitman’s Sampler’s suck. Anyone who says they are happy to get a box of chocolates that only has one good one in it is a liar. The quest to find the good one is paved with a lot of disgusting bites of chocolate.

9b: Cause life is like a box of chocolates. Fact is Forrest, it’s not a matter of what you’re going to get, but if you’re going to like what you get, and the odds are so not in your favor.

8. Flowers die. 

7. Reservations necessary – even at White Castle.

Seriously, just because it’s some sappy-ass holiday (I use the term “holiday” in the loosest possible sense), doesn’t mean I should have to make reservations to eat the most god-awful burgers on the planet. Something does not compute.

6. The banks don’t close, it’s not a real holiday. It’s made up. Like Arbor Day. In fact, I think it’s a vicious cycle. Kill the trees to make the cards. Then along comes Arbor Day and we plant a tree so we can kill more next Valentine’s Day.

5. Cause there really is no excuse for PDA.

4. Did we really need to give Vince McMahon an excuse for another pay-per-view with a corny title?

3. Cause it is more than a little disturbing to be chased by a baby wielding a bow and arrow.

2. Because I know better, and you really do need more than just love. Screw you John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

1. 'Nuff said.