I know how the world will end, do you?

We all learned on May 21, 2011 that Harold Camping was wrong. Again.

So, after his failed attempt to predict the Rapture I did my own math (read: guessed) and analyzed the Bible (read: no I didn’t) and I have figured out the Rapture once and for all.

You ready for it?

Really?

There will be a great storm, which will bring upon a new ice age. From the skies will fall frozen yogurt which will cover the Earth in a sea of vanilla. From volcanoes hot fudge will spew, and the oceans will transform into seas of caramel.

Seven days later, the frozen yogurt from around the Earth will gather, and from it will be created the Abominable FroYoMan. He will rule the Earth with a frozen fist, forcing everyone to eat frozen yogurt. Only those who will be saved from the wrath of his brain freeze will be the lactose intolerant.

The final battle of good vs. evil will occur when the Abominable FroYoMan has his confrontation with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (Hint: FroYoMan will win, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is no match for his Maraschino Cherry Cannons and Magic Shell Chocolate Boosters.)

So, now you know. Knowing is half the battle. Please feel free to send donations my way (I do accept PayPal) and put up billboards across the country warning our fellow man of our impending frozen doom.