Shoot first, ask questions later ... wait, no, just shoot

Not the girl in the story, just a girl, with a bow.

Police: Teen shot father with hunting bow after he took cell phone

A man was airlifted to the hospital after being shot in the torso with a hunting bow by his teenage daughter on Wednesday evening.
I’ll be honest, when I read the headline, I assumed it was a guy. The fact it was his daughter, and she’s that good a shot, is nothing shy of impressive.

The incident unfolded at a home in the 300 block of NE Tee Lake Road in Tahuya in unincorporated Mason County around 8 p.m.
I love “the incident unfolded” – it sounds so much more dramatic than it really is. But hey, you take what you can get in unincorporated Mason County, Washington.

Mason County sheriff's spokesman William Adam said Tony Iovinelli was shot by his 15-year-old daughter after he took away her cell phone as a disciplinary measure. The girl refused to let her wounded father use the phone, forcing him to crawl to a neighbor's home, Adam said.
Now, as for the fact his daughter shot him, with a hunting bow, after taking away her cell phone – that’s a bit excessive. I mean, really, couldn’t she just slam her door, scream, “You just don’t understand me,” and then, she might get her phone back in the morning? As it is, I think Daddy may never give you your phone back. Let alone let you drive the car. (You know, if she gets out of juvenile detention.)

Though, let’s give the daughter a little bit of credit, it was an eye for an eye. You take away my phone, I take away yours when you most need it. Chew on that, asshole. Forget Janie’s Got a Gun. I got a hunting bow, bitch.

Neighbor Dave Blackwood said as Iovinelli came to his house with an arrow shot into his side.
Grammar Nazi note: The sentence structure is beyond awkward here. There’s an extra word, I think it’s “as” before the lowercase last name. Again, some editor is not earning his paycheck. Someone shoot him with a hunting bow.

"It went straight sideways," he said of the arrow. "It was parallel to his arm, right into his body."
Elitist reporter note: I have to be honest, “It went straight sideways,” really confused the hell out of me. I really think the writer could have safely eliminated that part of the quote.

As the two waited for help to arrive, Blackwood said his injured neighbor recounted the incident.
Let’s be fair, Dave, you know you asked. “Why the hell are you bleeding all over my porch, dude?” I seriously don’t know that I could have a neighbor come to my house with an arrow sticking out of his/her torso and not ask the question. Inquiring minds want to know.

"He said that he was in his house and all of a sudden, he felt something. And he was shot in the side of the chest, and it was his daughter," he said. "He pushed her away and tried to get the phone. And she evidently had taken the phone so he couldn't call 911."
Wait a minute, this seems a bit redundant. We already got the story up above. Come on, editor, earn your keep and cut the story. We don’t need to quote people just to quote them.

The 35-year-old victim was airlifted to Harborview Medical Center in serious condition.
This is the least surprising element of this story.

The girl ran from the home with the bow and at least 35 arrows, but was later found by a SWAT team in the woods behind her house. The team surrounded the girl, and took her into custody without incident.
She was just trying to be Katniss Everdeen. It’s commendable. (And if you don’t know who that is, read a book.)

After she was apprehended, the girl was found to be despondent with a serious medical issue, Adam said.
Come on, reporter, what was her problem? You can’t just tell us she’s despondent when a serious medical issue and not find out what it is. You disappoint me. You do not have an inquiring mind. I’ll be honest, I know it’s because the cop didn’t tell you anymore, I’ve been a reporter, I know how it is – but seriously, you know you were burning inside to know, you can’t think your readers wouldn’t be left hanging like that.

She was taken to Mary Bridge Hospital in Tacoma to be checked out, and is expected to be there a few days.
Elitist reporter note: For whatever reason, the phrase “to be checked out” is rubbing me the wrong way. It’s like it’s too slang or informal for this type of story. Am I alone in this?

Since her father is the girl's only known family member, the girl will not be brought before any court until after being released from the hospital and medically cleared to be detained in juvenile detention.
This brings up so many other questions. Where’s the mom? Is she dead? Is it related to her serious medical condition? What happens if daddy dies?