At-Home Shopping Disasters ... a follow-up to "As Seen On TV" confessions

You all really seemed to like my “As Seen On TV” confessions… and after I posted that, I realized there were more. Duh, there’s always more! It wouldn’t be a TV offer without it. Forgive me Father, for I have shopped.

But, actually, these aren’t so much “As Seen On TV” purchases, but actual infomercial purchases. Yes, I’ve made them.


Gazelle

Yes, yes, I bought the Tony Little Gazelle. What can I say, I have a soft spot for guys with long hair. (However, I don’t think Tony Little’s hair is real. I think it’s just a ponytail attached to that hat. But that’s a whole separate issue.)

I bought the first generation. It truthfully wasn’t all that bad. Now, the electronics – you know, the ones that are there to tell you how many calories you’ve burned and stuff? Well, those fell off in the time it takes you to realize Tony Little’s hair isn’t real. Let’s hear it for quality workmanship.

The machine took up a ton of space though. We finally got tired of it being such a space hog and decided it needed a new home. So, we sent it out with the trash men and let them find it a new home. It’s probably in a landfill somewhere with one of Tony Little’s used hats with the ponytail.


Body By Jake Total Body Trainer

I will be brutally honest, I loved this thing. It was great – you were able to do strength training for your whole body in like 15-20 minutes a day. I honestly don’t remember why, exactly, I got tired of this thing. I remember I sold it at a yard sale for $35, which is way less than I paid for it. But, yeah, I really do not recall exactly why I decided this one had to go the way of the Gazelle.

I do have to admit, though, that I don’t think I could ever hate a Body By Jake product, just because of my affinity for Jake. Yeah, it’s not because he hocks a quality product, but rather this old TV show that was on the some channel, I don’t even remember what it was, called Big Brother Jake. It wasn’t any good, and he really can’t act, but it was taped in Virginia Beach, and we used to go to tapings all the time. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I went to the taping of this show.

If you don’t believe me this show existed …



Ab Lounge

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. This thing just looks like a torture device. (Side note, mine was the blue one that didn’t look quite as nice as this one.) But I thought, hey, crunches without laying on the floor and Oscar jumping in my face. Score!

First of all, I was too short for this device to work properly. I was always stretching weird ways in order to get it to fold in half the way it was supposed to, because my hands and feet just didn’t quite reach.

Second, and maybe it’s related to the short thing, but dammit my abs didn’t hurt after a couple reps on this thing, but my lower back sure as hell did.

What did I do with this thing, that, might I add, did not match a damn thing in my house? I gave it away. I gave it to my neighbor who, oddly enough, was shorter than me. (I know, I know, where did I find someone shorter than me who wasn’t a midget or five-years-old … but they’re out there.)



Ab Roller

I honestly don’t remember if I bought this or my mom did. But I remember it had a pillow attached to a mat that only went about halfway down your back – so the rest of you was on the floor. It was like a cruel joke to germaphobes.

Anyway, this thing would hurt … but I don’t think it did anything really useful other than piss me off and provide something for me to trip over. I cannot believe this stupid thing is still around, even in it’s “new and improved” state.

Wolfgang Puck Panini Maker
 
See, not everything I bought from infomercials was a weight-loss product. Nah, nah, nah. Nope, I was plotting on a George Foreman grill, but then I saw this infomercial and decided I needed a chrome “Panini” maker featuring Wolfgang Puck’s moniker rather than some washed-up boxer. Hell yeah.

I will be honest though, the main reason I decided to buy it revolved around the one recipe I saw them made that involved a Panini made out of pound cake. To this day I don’t remember any more of it than that (though, Giada has an episode where she has pound cake, Nutella and strawberries – which I tried, it’s nowhere near as good as it sounds). But yep, it was that pound cake thingy that hooked me.

I actually only recently got rid of my Wolfgang Puck Panini Maker. It was shoved to the back of a cabinet after we got our George Forman Grill and Griddle combo, and we decided it had spent enough time eating up my precious storage space and we donated it to Goodwill. So, someone, somewhere, is rocking a Wolfgang Puck Panini Maker they got from Goodwill. You’re welcome.